{trigger warning: mentions of child sexual abuse}
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. In the past, I’ve spoken out about my story of being sexually abused when I was 7 years old; which was both really hard and also healing at the same time. This year, I decided to make a playlist filled with songs I felt I saw myself in through the years that followed my experience. These are all songs that I felt were a huge part of my healing process.
Starting off are a few songs by Demi Lovato including “Skyscraper”, “Warrior”, “Believe In Me” and a couple of more. Demi was someone I really looked up to in high school. So, these are some of the songs I saw myself in, especially “Believe In Me” because I struggled with self-esteem and insecurity after what I had been through.
Some songs were by Halsey, including one of her most popular songs, “you should be sad”. Specifically, the lyric “you would never ever touch me again,” hits close to home for me. I consider that line to be my “fuck you” to my abuser.
And because even now, I still worry about how people close to me view me after I share my story with them, I added a song by my friends, The Living Street: “Mean The Most”. The lyric “you watch me as I fall, there you go. I’ve never felt so small,” hits me specifically when I think back to feeling like I wasn’t good enough and just wanting to mean something to someone.
Two other songs that I also feel so connected to when it comes to this topic are by singer, Birdy, “Keeping Your Head Up” and “Wild Horses”. When it comes to “Wild Horses”, one lyric that I felt spoke to me during the chorus is “I will move on and you should know I mean it. Wild horses run in me,” This became my mantra after I first listened and it is still my mantra to this day.
Other songs I included are by Lorde, Lana Del Rey, Melanie Martinez, Shinedown, Sia ,and more. If you’ve ever been through this, I hope these songs heal you the way they’ve healed me. I love you. I see you. I hear you.